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Oxford: Clarendon Press; map on p. Courtney 's Glossary and Rowse 's Cornish Childhood It also says it comes from Middle English 'crouste', which in turn came from Old French 'crouste'. So it appears that the word was indeed a loan from Middle English but it was in use as part of the Cornish language long before the language died out, and seems to have entered the Anglo-Cornish dialect from the Cornish language.

Gloucester: Thornhill Press; p. London: Westaway Books; p. Truro: Joseph Pollard; p. London: Routledge; p. Cornish Geology. Archived from the original on 14 January Retrieved 25 February Oxford: printed for the author; by W. Jackson: sold by W. Top 10 historical Cornish words". History Extra. Retrieved 31 October London: Macmillan; pp.

There were a few pops, as loud as nearby pistol shots, above us. Trucks by Tonka rifles by Mattel. I just snorted. I sighed theatrically and got up, moving over to kneel in front of her.

See a Problem?

She pulled my lower lip down and shook her head. She pulled me close against her chest, hugging me tightly, then pushed me away and waved at the weight bench. I moved over to sit back down on the weight bench. He goes into a frenzy, things will get really bad really fast. I looked up into his face. She's 17, chained up in Hell's Icebox, pregnant, and has a madman in charge. What would you do? Still, think he'd really go after a pregnant woman? Thanks, Ant. PS: Get a manicure. I got distracted watching her boobs lift up. She didn't have on a bra, and her nipples stood out.

I took the weights off the ends and then handed it to him. He opened the window, the snow and wind blowing in, and held on the end to lower the bar, leaning way out the window. My stomach clenched, and my hands twitched to pull him back in before long white arms snatched him out the window. He lowered it as far as he could then pulled it back up. There was snow on the last two feet. All of us turned to look at the door when someone started screaming. Not out in the hallway, but further away. We could barely hear it, but it was unmistakable.

Someone was screaming in horror and agony. I turned and grabbed mine from beside the bed, pulling them on. Bomber moved over and pulled his own, and the zzzziiiip of us pulling the speed laces through was in unison. We moved up to the doorway, standing there silently. The screaming was still going on. It was too loud to be in a room, but too faint to be in the hallway. We heard pounding bootsteps heading away from us, and I leaned my head against the wall, wondering what I was going to hear next.

Nagle was leaning her ear against the door, listening closely. Another voice screamed, louder, and someone fired a rifle on full auto. The scream changed, becoming higher pitched, and the weapon fire stopped. I knew by how long it took it wasn't because they'd let off the trigger, but because the magazine had run dry. Nagle flipped the switch, dropping us into darkness. I swore. Who is that? I'm armed. I looked at Bomber. He had his eyes squeezed shut. I looked at Nagle, and her eyes met mine, wild and terrified eyes.

My brother had gotten pneumonia in November, and it took him almost two weeks before he was released from Darmstadt. When he'd coughed, it had been a thick, liquid thing. I know they're steel, but why take the chance? The lights flickered, dimmed, and settled into a sullen glow that did little to provide any light. The screams faded, not cut off, and silence settled over the room.

Nagle shivered and rubbed her arms. We stood there silently for a long time, until we heard footsteps, slow and steady ones, thudding up the hallway. Our eyes had adjusted to the dim light thrown off by the bulb, letting us see the small entryway. The door handle turned slowly and the door seemed to flex strangely for a moment before the door handle slowly returned to where it started. There was a tapping sound at the door, a brittle sound like ice cracking. I looked down and saw frost slowly spread under the edge of the door.

Knives won't do shit against him, trust me. My shoulder gave a dull throb at the memory of a chunk of ice sliding into the stab wound and a sucking sound right after it withdrew. I shuddered, and rubbed my shoulder. Two MRE's if you can handle it, and use the bathroom. Bomber and Nagle joined me, grabbing two MRE's out of their boxes and following my example by wolfing it down as quick as possible.

Squeezing the peanut butter, jelly, and cheese straight out of the package. The bathroom was rank by the time we were done, but I figured it was better to be fully fed, bladder and bowels empty, than to just go into whatever we were looking at only half fed. I sat down next to her, and when Bomber went to sit on the weight bench Nagle patted the bed next to her.

Get A Copy

She took both of our hands, and we sat there silently, in the dim light, waiting, watching the glow in the dark hands of my windup alarm clock. Less than a half hour went by before we heard voices at the door. I let go of Nagle's hand and sat in the desk chair, Bomber moved over to sit on the weight bench. I watched as the handle turned after the key rattled in the lock, just waiting. Oakes, Kebble, the LT, and Nelson stood in my doorway. The LT stared at me for a long moment, and I smiled at him, letting him see my broken front teeth.

The light didn't change, just a faint dim yellow. The LT grabbed me and pulled me to my feet. You three did something to him! You could hear the capital letters in the way he said it. When Oakes stepped forward and grabbed my arm I just went along with it, instead of doing what I wanted to do, which was break her fucking face in. She was pinching with her fingernails, deliberately digging them into me. Rather than actually respond to her, I just ignored her and it, staring at her like nothing was going on.

She yanked harder, and I just swayed slightly. I glanced back, seeing Bomber and Nagle standing there behind me, and smiled at them.

All Brands

When she pulled again I just curled my lip, then stepped forward, letting her know I was letting her tugging me toward her. My door had deep scratches in it, through the paint, and into the metal. It was also covered with a thick layer of frost. Frost glittered on the walls, the lights in the hallway and the emergency lights were out, the lights on the other side of the doors were dim. The door to the stairwell, when we passed it, was closed and the stairwell was dark. We took the front stairwell down to the orderly room, and when we left the stairwell the windows were dark where the snow had piled over the bottom floor.

The temperature was pretty bad, our breath pluming out in front of us, but that was normal. The door to the outside, where I could clearly remember an axe-wielding maniac standing in the snow attached to a tether, was closed and completely blocked by snow. The windows were completely blocked by white, and I wondered just how deep the snow was.

Skiers and tourists were probably enjoying the mountain below us, completely unaware of what was going on up here. We took the right, past the copy machine, and a left into the orderly room, where the Sergeant Major's office and the CO's office was. Sergeant Tee was sitting behind the Sergeant Major's desk, reading paperwork, and when we were marched in, he closed the manila folder he was reading and began to stand up. Nelson already had the door to the CO's office open, grinning nastily, and waved us inside.

The LT was standing up behind the desk, still dressed in his Class-A's, and I wondered just how bad they were starting to smell. He kept alternating between his Class-A's and a single uniform, and the uniform was starting to look pretty bad. When we came in, he was still looking out the window, not even bothering to turn around and face us. The only one not behind us was the LT, but it was pretty easy to keep track of them. Situational awareness was what it was called, and I'd always been good at it.

Keeping track of your surroundings and the things in your surroundings that move, as well as estimating how they'd move. I tensed to turn around, my plan involving kicking the chair at Nelson, who was directly behind me. I'd take Kebble down with a strike to the throat, then turn and hit Oakes in one of her floating ribs twice, then finish off Nelson before moving on to the LT. The three of us were just staring at the exchange. You never saw an officer and an NCO going eye to eye.

I turned around, smiling at Nelson, and pushed by him, deliberately shoving him with my shoulder, using my greater mass to knock him a step back. Nagle and Bomber followed me into the orderly room, and I kept an ear out. In the stairwell, heading between the first and second floor, we heard the stairwell door open and boots thunder up the steps. We stopped on the landing and let them catch up. Bomber grabbed the desk chair and drug it over to the door, wedging the chair under the handle so it couldn't turn and be used to open the door.

The room was brighter, the light bulb having gone back to normal the night before. We still had heat, we still had MRE's, and we still had water. The bruising on my face was fading pretty quick, but my teeth still ached. Nagle was standing behind me, as naked as I was, watching me and Kebble scream at each other through the door with a smile on her face.

They'd been trying to get us to unbarricade the door for 2 days, trying every couple of hours. Our uniforms were still in the laundry room, and after wearing our PT's constantly for the last couple days, we'd stripped naked, washed them in the shower, and now had them hanging from the shower curtain rod and drying.

Nagle walked around naked, no body modesty at all, and Kebble had started banging on the door, interrupting our poker game. We were playing for matches and cigarettes, and I was ahead by a handful of match stick and almost a full pack of smokes. There was some argument on the other side of the door that I didn't catch. Nagle stepped up behind me, pressing her breasts against my back, her hands going around my waist to clasp together below my belly button. She breathed softly in my ear and then licked the bottom of what had been my ear lobe before most of it was cut away due to frostbite.

She'd forgotten to lock it after her. I pulled the chair away from the door and pulled on the handle. I opened the door, the cold air blowing across my naked body. The lights were still off in the hallway, and the light from my room flickered as the lightbulb buzzed and suddenly dimmed.

The darkness was almost a palpable thing as it pushed into the dimming room. It was risky, but I stuck my head out the door, looking first left, then right. Bomber, me, sometimes Nagle, and sometimes some others played a game. You knock on the door, stand to the side. When they look out the door, you wait till they look at you, then you punch them in the face. Toward the mid-way doors there was nothing but darkness, not even light in the glass of the double doors. To the other side there was nothing but darkness. Not even the emergency light was kicked on. Nagle put one hand on the small of my back and shoved hard, sending me half stumbling into the hallway.

I'd walked these halls drunk so often I could navigate them concussed, black out drive drunk, or half asleep. I slid to a stop, bumping into the double door, my bare feet skating across the thin patina of ice on the floor. I almost busted my ass, but managed to turn it into a hopefully suave looking slide into the laundry room, opening the door by slapping the handle and the edge of the door simultaneously. Ice coated the ceiling, frost down the wall, and while all of the washer lids were open, three of the dryers were closed.

I hurried to the dryer, shivering, and dug in the dryer for the laundry bag. In the moonlight streaming in through the window high up in the wall I couldn't tell who's uniforms they were, but I could tell they were uniforms, and that's all that mattered. I opened the laundry bag and started jamming everything inside. When I caught bras, I figured this was Nagle's shit. I hurried as fast as I could, feeling my feet go numb and my toes start to hurt.

I'd broken my toes at various times over the last few years, so they all had stabbing pains in them as the old breaks started complaining. Halfway through the second dryer my nose felt like it was going to break off and my ears were throbbing. By the time I got done jamming everything into the laundry bags, I couldn't even feel my genitals, ears, nose, lips, toes, and my fingers were clumsy.

I could faintly see her arm waving back and forth in the dimness of the hallway, and I took off sprinting. Cold air washed over me, making me stumble as it felt like I was frozen all the way into my core. My breath froze in my lungs, it felt like ice covered my eyeballs, and my lips felt like chunks of ice. Darkness was next, the light vanishing, and I was stumbling, trying to keep ahead of my feet, the three laundry bags being drug on the ground. I wasn't sure exactly why it was so important to keep my hand in a fist, to hold onto the barbed wire laced across my palm.

Between one step and the next a hand shot out of the darkness and grabbed my arm, yanking me almost off my feet and out of the hallway. I got yanked into the room, the door slamming behind me, the hand slinging me into the hallway between the entryway and the main room, wall lockers on both sides of me. I could make out Bomber standing there in my blurred vision and realized that Nancy had grabbed me as I had stumbled by and pulled me in from the hallway.

Bomber turned away in the dim light and then turned back holding a blanket that he wrapped around me. Nagle moved away from the door, pulling me deeper into the room. There was another knock at the door, but I was too busy trying to get warm again. Nagle grabbed the laundry bag's strings off the floor where I dropped them and pulled the bags after her as we moved into the main part of the room.

Nagle dumped the bags on the bed into three different piles, picking up the BDU tops and naming who's they were. I stood there, teeth chattering, while Bomber and Nagle got dressed pretty quickly, Nagle leaving her top, bra, and T-shirt off. Nagle pulled out a uniform and underwear for me while I just stood there. I wrapped the blanket around us, basking in the heat radiating from her body. Shit, at least I don't have to worry about getting my appendix popped this time. She went to pull away, and I held onto her for a moment, until she pinched me hard, so I kissed the top of her head and let her go.

She poked me in the belly button as she backed away, but she was smiling at me. While she got dressed I hurriedly pulled on my uniform, checking the color real quick to make sure my rank was sewn on with that uniform and not pinned on. I was good, although the nametag was getting worn. Probably about the fifth uniform I'd used it on. I was a little rough on BDU's, or to be correct, my job was a bit rough. It wasn't uncommon to catch some banding or the edge of an ammo container and tear a hole in it or tear a huge rip in it.

I grabbed my softcap off the top of the fridge, putting it on. For some reason, the simple act of putting my softcap on made me feel a metric fuckton better. Nagle and Bomber pulled the fridge away from the wall, and I climbed behind in, reaching into the space where the compressor was to find the blades I'd hidden in there.

I pulled them out, handing them out, and strapped one to my boot. It wasn't tied on with the laces, but rather designed to sit on a combat boot. A metal loop that went around the heel and a clip that went into the top of the boot. Another Gerber went on my hip. Nagle put hers on her waist, clipping it to her belt, so that her BDU shirt hid it. Bomber put his at the small of his back, letting his BDU blouse fall to cover it.

The others I put in the underwear drawer that Nagle was using, hiding them under her panties and bras. It wasn't as good a place as under the fridge, but they would be easy to get to. If that fails, meet up in the ops center on four, we'll jump. We deliberately stayed quiet, walking down to the CQ area down the dark hallways, the frost dark and cold on the walls.

A crashing noise came from above us as we pushed through the middle stairwell doors, the wire reinforced glass in the frames shattered. Our boots thudded against the tile as we made our way to the stairwell, above us boots thudded as someone ran down the hallway. Pulling open the stairwell door, cold air swirled around us and a shriek echoed from below.

There was ice, not frost, on the walls and the steps had icicles hanging from them. We watched our step heading down the stairs and when we pushed open the door, the scene in front of us made us stop and stare. Rear-D was divided in half. Almost a dozen stood around with weapons, staring at the rest of the detachment, which stood there unarmed, glaring at the ones with weapons. They were standing face to face, obviously arguing, but whatever they were saying was lost in the crash of the door opening, and every eye turned to stare at us as a scream ripped down the stairwell.

His hand was rubbing his rank, same as it had been when we had entered the CQ area. I gave him my best Billy Idol sneer. Nagle always joked I looked like the love child of Gary Busey and Billy Idol, and I sure as hell was able to curl and lift my lip in the same way. I saw a couple of Rear-D flinch. He'd turned away from Sergeant Tee to stare at us. Bomber moved next to me on my right, shifting to parade rest. He didn't fool me, I knew that it put his hands closer to his knife.

Above us there was a shout and the crashing of boots. I curled my lip again. My juvie instincts told me to shut up and do what the Head Screw ordered, to not rock the boat, to keep my head down and do my time. Unlike you, I've been promoted three times. There was a shout and another crash from above us, and I saw several people flinch out of the corner of my eye. We don't open the door unless we want to, we get hot meals with the rest of Rear-D, and no more of Oakes' retarded intimidation shit. Everyone was staring at us as Nagle turned around and opened the door back to the stairwell.

The cold wind whipped over us and a sobbing noise could be heard drifting down the stairwell. I smiled at the LT before I turned to walk away, pushing into the wind swept stairwell. We walked back to our room in the darkness, not bothering to be quiet. Behind us the stairwell door crashed, but we ignored it as we pushed through the midway doors.

The warmth of our room enveloped us when we went in, closing the door behind us. The door shuddered in the frame as someone hammered on it. Anger surged in me that the LT had decided to come up and follow us, to continue the argument. I whipped open the door, my eyes seeing a shape in the darkness, one hand raised up, only eyes and teeth visible in the dim light of my room.

Before whoever it was could even move I was in motion, hand locking on the forearm of the upraised him, using my size and weight to drive them back against the door across from me. There was a squawk as I brought my knee up into their stomach, then brought my forehead down into their face. I spun in place, letting them go partway through the arc so they slammed into the far wall, but before they could do much more than bounce, I grabbed the back of their head, driving them face first into the wall, and slammed two punches into their back, one into each kidney, bringing out a garbled scream as I threw them on their back on the floor, stepping forward, planning to bring my boot into the center of their chest to destroy the sternum.

Nagle's hand grabbed my BDU shirt, pulling me back and off balance. Bomber grabbed me, holding tight. The lights came on, illuminating the hallway as I stood there, breathing heavy, not because I was winded, but to fuel my body with more oxygen, feeling the adrenaline trickle down my spine, and the warm tingling in my extremities as my body responded to the demands of combet.

Kebble lay on the floor, writhing and sobbing, blood streaming down her face from her nose. I knew she'd be pissing blood in a few hours. I turned to see her standing less than 10 feet away, her eyes and mouth wide. Bomber let go of my sleeve as Oakes started raising her rifle. Without hesitating I walked toward her, flexing my hands with the crunch of knuckles that had been broken too many times. Her rifle came up, swiveling to point at my face.

Not that it mattered, in the time it took her to say that and take her tiny little step I'd taken two long ones. She opened her mouth to continue, but whatever she was going to say vanished. My hand wrapped around the barrel, just behind the flash suppressor, my other hand wrapping around the spot where the stock merged with the forward receiver, and I snatched the rifle hard, pulling it away from her, then slammed it back, driving the butt plate into her face.

She stumbled back and I kicked out with my foot, the rifle spinning in my hands so I held it at port arms. She went down in a heap and without a pause I slammed the toe of my combat boot into her crotch, then dropped one knee into her gut before leaning forward with the rifle across her throat. The knife whispered as it cleared the sheathe, the honed edge gleaming in the lights of the hallway. Oakes' eyes opened wide as I brought the knife up where she could see it. Oakes didn't answer, just stared at me. I could see her pulse beating in her neck and had to restrain the urge to nick that pulsing spot in her neck with the point of the knife.

Impress me. You assholes aren't. I slid the knife down her side until the point was just below her ribs. I pressed the knife hard enough to make it felt, but not enough to slide through the cloth of the uniform or break the skin. The lights clicked off and I sat up quickly. There was a lewd sucking sound behind me. The emergency lights kicked on, strobed for a half second, then dimmed to a sullen red glow. Beyond the double doors the emergency light was just bright enough to make the crazed white of the shattered windows turn blood red.

Footsteps pounded above us, and a shriek sounded from deeper into the building. Stab her ass and be done with it or come on. Outside our door there was a liquid chuckle, and in the dim light we could see frost creeping under the door and spreading out, tentacles of frost leading the way. An icicle pushed its way into my shoulder. The barrel glinted wetly. Nagle made a face, and Bomber grinned. All the officers and NCO's dicks that she's scraped that tongue across, the same tongue flopping around in your gash. I pretended not to notice her wiping the barrel of the.

Something upstairs mocked me, the footsteps a split second behind my own, starting and stopping when I did. I tossed the MA1 on the bunk. I'm the one who wanted to avoid violence, I'm the one who just said go with it, I'm the one who wanted to wait until we got rescued. I didn't want to say anything, but look outside. We've already got thirty feet of snow, at least, on the windward side of the barracks. It's still snowing. Last year we got sixty feet dumped on us. How much are we going to get this year? I walked over to the window and opened the curtains, staring at the swirling snow that was dimly illuminated by the failing light bulb.

I opened my mouth to say something, then stepped back from the window, cocking my head and rhythmically opening and closing my right hand, the knuckles crunching each time. Bomber sat on the weight bench, watching me, and Nagle leaned against the desk, setting the pistol on the desk before folding her arms beneath her breasts.

Yes, there was at least thirty feet of snow. The motor pool was twenty feet higher than the front of the building. That meant that the wind could have pushed the snow flat, into a gentle incline. The motor pool roof was twenty feet above the floor, and peaked up another twenty, making it forty feet total. We didn't have snow shoes, but that wasn't that big of a deal, if Ogg the Caveman could make the fucking things, I sure as shit could.

We could walk from the window of our room to the motor pool, and hole up there if shit got bad. Let Tandy have the barracks, pull back to the motor pool, and hole up in the bay there. There was showers, war stocks, bathrooms, emergency generators, fuel, everything we needed to survive. One of the mandatory training courses we had to take was cross country skiing. I was a for shit downhill skier, more likely to kill myself by running face first into a tree than anything else, but as far as cross country went, I was good at it.

As a long distance runner, I had the endurance to make it and thanks to mandatory training, the training to make it. Nagle was better at downhill, and Bomber was competent at both. We could take the skis, a compass, cold weather gear, and ski to main post. Except that Tandy was out there. We wouldn't get more than a mile before he took all three of us out. Still, the motor pool was a good idea. Right now it was dark, and trying to make it was going to be hard enough, trying to do it in the dark would be suicide.

She started unbuttoning her shirt. We spend awhile doing PT, and I was glad to work off the adrenaline and aggression. I'd wanted to cut Oakes, slice up her face, give her the same scar that she mocked Nagle for having. Situps helped work off the image of the knife slicing through her skin to expose her skull. Cut the little bitch's throat and slap my hand over the wound and stare her in the eyes as she went down. Pushups sent my muscle's thrumming and the look I wanted to see in her eyes went away. I'd gotten sick of the little bitch strutting around my room, breaking my shit, acting like a little tin God as she reveled in her power over us.

Pressing the weights, I used my rage, my anger at Oakes and everyone like her I'd encountered in my life. In my head I heard the cold voice telling me to stay down at the bottom of the stairwell, remembered the way it felt laying in the snow bleeding out with a bayonet stuck through my shoulder. The weights felt good, the burning in my muscles as I pushed myself harder and harder, letting the rage flow out of me, aware that I was verging on the edge of losing control. I hated everyone but the two people in the room with me. My mother for the years of torture. My father for leaving all the time.

My country for taking him from me when I needed him to protect me. My brothers for tormenting and beating on me, and for not protecting me. My sisters for either joining my mother or refusing to lift a finger to save me. Backwoods sheriffs who used their badge to do whatever they wanted and then hid behind the shield and their brothers when someone called them on it. The NCO's that viewed me as nothing more than a high school dropout and an inbred hick.

The officers that dismissed me as a knuckle dragging thug. My fellow enlisted for the whispers, the looks, that they thought I didn't notice. Myself for being what I was. The mountain for being there. We stripped in the bathroom, underneath the dim yellow light of the bulb. She was more shadow than anything else, but she still felt good in my arms as we waited the handful of seconds for the shower to heat up.

In the shower she was hot, firm, and soapy. Her skin under my hands pushed the pounding rage back, the noises she made reminded me of how wonderful the flaws of being human were, the way she sagged in my arms letting me know that I wasn't just an animal in a cage. I held her, standing in the spray of the shower, surrounded by steam, cloaked in dimness, and buried my face in the curve of her shoulder. She held me, rubbing her hands on my back, and making wordless sounds that were more important than any speech. For pushing you into the hallway, for siccing you on Oakes.

I was silent for a moment, waiting, and she continued. When I shook my head in denial she pushed me against the wall of the shower, leaning back herself. She was against the shower knobs, her face out of the water, partly concealed by the steam, and barely visible in the dim light. He hasn't said anything yet, and he might not even know, but it won't be long before he begins to fixate on me.

He's started staring at me the last couple of days, and it was really noticeable when we were working out. This is very real. But he's going to need affection, attention, not just be a walking talking vibrator I use to satisfy myself. If we end up in here long enough, the two of you will try to kill one another, either over me or over some imagined slight.

I don't want you two trying to murder each other, I don't want to lose either one of you. Nobody on Earth is more important to me than the two of you. Bomber and her had slept together before, hell, we'd fulfilled some of her pretty nasty fantasies after the last winter, felt her groan and strain between us. But for some reason, instead of it being amusing, the thought of Nancy's arms and legs around John made me angry.

I wasn't lying. Knowing she'd still love me made the idea of her and Bomber together, of them laying there whispering to one another, bearable and not something that made my fists clench and my gut tighten. We turned off the shower, toweled off, and dressed quickly, bumping into each other and laughing. When she opened the bathroom door, John was standing in the darkness, the dim light from the bathroom washing over him.

It made him into a creature of shadow, barely recognizable, something different than my friend. I hadn't noticed before the way his stance had changed before, the tightness in his voice, the hard glitter in his eyes, and the almost betrayed feeling rolling off of him. John was a big guy, something that was easy for me to forget after the years we'd spent as good friends. He was over six feet of Texas rawhide and iron, thick muscle from pumping iron and throwing around heavy ammunition turning what would have been a tall lanky Texan into a or more pound monster.

I'd seen a bull throw him, drag him around as it whipped in circles, and then land with both feet on him, and John just pop up like a jack in the box as soon as he got free. I'd been back to back with him in fights, spotted him while pumping iron, and sparred with him. I'd seen him take an axe to the gut and survive his appendix being ruptured.

I felt the spit dry up in my mouth as his tone and body language dawned on me. His eyes, pale slits in the dimness, were locked on me, not Nagle, and the twisted look of anger and betrayal on his face was more than imagination, more than the dimness, but a real thing aimed at me. When he opened his mouth to reply, she stepped into him, her arms going around him, and she pressed her mouth to his.

His eyes widened, and he looked at me. I smiled, slapped him on the shoulder as I walked past, grabbed the rifle off the bed, and drug one of the chairs over to the window and looked outside. I stared at the snow, ignoring the sounds behind me, and broke the weapon down by rote habit, setting the pieces on the three drawer chest without taking my eyes from the window, finishing up by pulling out the cleaning kit from the butt of the weapon.

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I dug a cloth out of drawer to put on the top of the dresser to put the parts on when I was done, then dug another piece of torn brown T-shirt out of the drawer and got up. Nancy was holding Bomber down, her back arched, eyes closed, hips rocking. Her hands were tight around his wrists and had them pushed into the blankets. Death personified right into its living and breathing form, finds itself in a graveyard as a gravedigger, greatly confined. Keeping Score. I can walk into an all-you-can-eat buffet, and my brain will light up like a gambling addict's.

Numbers running in my brain, neon signs floating above plates counting fat and carbs and sugar,. The Girl Who Used to Smile. I'm a Warrior. Easier to Stay Asleep. I've never been able to love myself I've never been able to cherish the small things about me I've always strived to living up to what people expected of me To what society expected of me. Crime scene Bodies open on the floor, bloodied hands, torn chests. Ribcage split open, hearts ripped out. We became a crime scene. Caution: heartbreak lies here.

No yellow tape, just bodies on the ground. Burial ground. What it's Like. Our Love Is Grave. Through the woods, Through the mist; To the place where we first kissed; See the soul, See the eyes; See the tears I knew you cried; Though apart, Not for long; I give you my last song;. To Dust. I drift to ash, to dust, to sand; I found the fairest in the land; I was lost, and I was found; I was six feet under the ground; She saved me from eternal dread;.

QUIET screams. Time is passing, still procrastinating. Dream so wild, yet aspects mild. One moment in time, A thoughtless rhyme. Thinking of you. Wake up in the nighttime, I see the stars. Twinkle Twinkle little star, now i know just where you are. This feeling's overwelming, I hope I'm just pretending.

This feeling in my heart, it just keeps extending. Thoughts of You. Hidden Childhood. I've got a hole in my heart,It's where my childhood once sat. When I see more of what I lost,That hole just grows bigger. Maybe my problems can be,Rooted back to my old friends. I had to let them go,. These Friends. Look at my insecuritiesSave your complimentsI'll never believe them anywayCheck out my problemsWatch them grow asYou point them to to meI'm just a sad boyWhy aren't you tired of me yet?

In Vain. Blood falling like rainYou, trying to help, in vainScreams crying out pain. A Calf Love Crisis. She could spread her wings with the birds and the bees and follow the sun as they became one Rays of fire soaking through her pores and wrapped around her bones it lifts her up higher than everyone else.

Source of the Utmost. Memories Flow Back Too. The Journey of A Poet. There are words, I wish to pluck them from this fray. And hand them to you, In ordered memoirs, Ink, spread thin upon this page. Title Not Determined. Temporary Freedom. The world is dry and I wish to find an oasis, I am delirious with thirst and the scorpion's poison looks like lemonade I am trying not to turn to toxin but the things I feel are tragic I wish to have no part in them. The Girl. She sits in Starbucks drinking her caramel macchiato But she sits alone Her eyes are soft like honey But her face a stone cold mask.

I understand not what goes through their minds The hateful, the wicked the all holy divine They speak of God's love and say they will pray if you listen closely they cackle as you walk away. Slam on Society. This world today is a tangled mess of opinions and hate and opinions and wait. Stepping outside is like stepping into a court room except both sides of the room are calling me guilty.

What I Did Wrong. I still remember in vivid detail the first time my father made me bleed. It was a cold November evening and we had just finished dinner. I was all dressed up in my golden basketball jersey ready for a game. Word Battle. Ode to homophobia. Oh well. I knew you never thought.

Presumed that you could feel. Never assuming the worst of you. It was a baffling tale to reveal. Soft Melting Pain. Close vibration, sounds felt up and down my body. Just sounds - no meaning. But these words soften my tightness, calm hush calm soft calm warm. I'll always love you.

Why I hate dating apps. The Epic of Humbaba. There once was a peaceful creature hidden away in a sweet cedar forest. The forest was ancient with beautiful features, but never a stranger or tourist. Inside Jokes for Outsiders. Do you remember that time at that place with those people? How could I forget? Omg that was the best! I totally miss it! Oh yeah! I don't know why I struggle to write about the good things Why does intensity only live in the darkness - the pain and depression?

Why is the grey of night so much more powerful than the color of day? I asked you if you were happy you said no I asked for your forgiveness you said no you screamed at the top of your lungs about every way I wronged you,. There is sadness in these bones Deep in the marrow of the house that is my body I am a home to grief and anger You cannot see it in my skin and in my flesh But I flash my teeth and you finally recognize. The Sins of Mortal Men. What is love?

What is trust? What is pain? What if love is trust, and trust is pain. In order to love , you have to trust. Trust that it is love and not lust. Receding Affection. The effect of your affection is wearing out You shouldn't have waited so long Kept him wondering if to you he belongs Only for the agony to prolong The place has turned vacant, yet. Growing Pains. Like a small seed beginning to sprout from the soil A story of many chapters begins The plot of a life's story cannot spoil As the small, naive child widely grins.

Your Eyes. For J. The Moon from my bed. Love sucks. Love sucks Scars are just a Lesson. Jagged Pages. Growing Pain. How one looks back At the clouded idea of what has happened Defines how the future will unfold Pain That used to be scraped knees Or a break up with the one you thought was "the one". To the no longer child.

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I hate the rain. It's cold and unforgiving fall keeps me from fun. The weight of it when it falls from my eyes is to heavy for my heart to carry. Like Her. Her arms wrapped tightly around me, Her charming southern accent, And the way she looked at everyone with love in her heart. Growing Up. Being a kid was just the start Everything was a work of art Life was stress free with no worries at all Having fun all day long Dancing with the wind like a song. Train Ride Calls. November 19th am.

November 19, , at in the morning, my heart was broken and restored, all in the same moment in time. That night is imprinted in my memory, and on my hip, in stark black ink. False Love's Kiss. I See. I see the world differently. I grow taller and everything is smaller, But truly the world seems bigger And badder. The world is a mess. How can I do anything to make it better? Another Day. Crossing the days until I reach May,I fall into endless sleep and unreal dreams.

Stray today, stay away, to myself I say. I wake up to the sky with clouds of greyAnd. From There to Here and Back. A boy little more than three seeing the world, With a Soldier and a Mother by his sides. This little boy nothing but what he was told, But he knew he was leaving home while flying over the tides. You are no longer at my side. You are gone, the one who promised me you were here to stay. I mourned in the weeds, damaged and broken. Strength lost. Sunlight producing no more color for me. My undefined pain. Have You? There are different types of pain Good Morning Affirmation. Waking up to my truths - even the flaws are gorgeous I get obsessive and I get insecure.

Sometimes I find myself unbalanced, quickly unraveling at the folds. I may occasionally lose touch, or fall out of love. This morning I took a hike on a trail I once considered my stomping grounds when I was a child, and the reality set in. At the beginning of the year, I met a man named poison Who looked at me and killed my sanity.

Your Strife Gave Me Life. You fail to realize the destruction seen in my tears, Of everything you put me through in my adolescent years. Finding it hard to see past the drink; Never taking the time to reconsider and to think. I'm Not Fine. Death Is. Humble Pain. Fire under my skin Climbing up my legs My spine My arms Glowing coals of hate Incendiary suffering Deep inside my bones. Blackness surrounds me I can feel my peace call As it hears my plea At last the night will fall.

Grief that Made Me Grow. A crack resounds from the soul of the earth. A Weeded Heart. Guilt blooms in my chest like an unwelcomed garden. But luckily I chose to weed them out before they had any chance to stay and wind around my heart. Just Talk. But I can't bring myself to. You see, it hurts you when you know. I loved you with all I had, And you made my life worth living, I was sure that we would last, But obviously I was wrong.

I loved you with all I had,. What Will You Tell Me? If I've fallen and I can't get up will you save me? Will you help me to stay strong? Will you tell me. Get rid of the pain. No need to be a surgeon. Open your heart wide. Rip your pain away. And if no soul can help carrying it, Put it somewhere, Anywhere, But elsewhere.

Put it beneath rhymes and similes. Fool Me Twice. I fell in love once, It was a wonderful feeling, I felt like I was loved, Like I mattered, Like someone in the world cared about me. I was so broken. The Moon, Cruel as Always. A Story of Love and Loss. He loved not once but twice, And both times it ended badly, Both times he paid the price And his story ends sadly.

He was young and untested,. I think God sleeps on Enceladus The Spark. I fear I have lived far too much life in far too little time. In my 16 years I have loved and died and been revived more times than one could possibly count. I am the bolt of lightning, Shocking, fast, and gone in an instant. I create a smoking crater, But of who left it I leave no hint. I am the stormy ocean,.

My Beasts. I live with evil creatures in my soul, I have to fight to keep control. They yell and scream to be let out, And then they punish me after every bout. Big Brother. Stained Red. Summer of Mother I hated to watch you while you stood Back then, age 9, I knew what was going on. Always falling for the man of sophistication and. Shadows line my concrete walls, Reaching out, They pull at my knotted hair,. To all the ones I ever loved, I felt the sting of your betrayal. I felt the love you claimed to have. I know how much time you had to put into building you're mask.

Through The Sky. Through the sky Death shall rise, On rotten wings will he fly. With the stench of torture on his clothes, He sends Fear into all his foes. Scars Haiku. Whenever I'm pained The scars on my thighs swell up To blood red that's raised. Bleed Haiku. I wish that I could Learn to bleed every night But soon I'll run out. Pillow Talk. Missing You. How ironic it is, I remember the sight of you, I hear the timbres of your voice.

Knock Me for a Loop

How ironic it is, That life gave you to me, Before snatching you away. The Church Across the Street. The Bell-tower taunts me when I look out my bedroom window. Saints who sin are loved more than me. Their audience comes in droves to the sounds of bells! I hear them ringing. I go numb with fear.

You are my Everything. Knock, Knock, Knock Time to play with her,. A Rose Thrown out to Sea. Carrion Moon. The Moon is Frowning. Satisfied With Me. Thunder and Lightning. The shocking electric pulse, Flowing through my veins. I drop a single bolt,. My life is an infinite number of scars, Marring the planet upon which I walk. Some were caused by others,. Symphony of My Life. My life is one great symphony, So listen to its melody.

The drumbeat is my heartbreak, The violins are my sorrow, The low brass proclaims my rage,. I let go. Deaf but Not Dumb. Those voices I hear in the hallways, Somehow always used to torment me. Cruel words escaped their lips. Poison vowels and sounds, Yet I was taught they were good. I was born this way When You Look At Me. When you look at me, what do you see? I'm a girl who's full of Humanity. I'm someone who fights for what's right, And does no harm so I can sleep at night. Do you see who I am?

Do you really see,. Pain To End All Pain.

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  5. My heart yearns for a love unchanging. Aches from a fear unfading. I wake and fail before day ever begins. Begging for an end to all the pain I feel. Engulfed in a searing dryness from those meant to help me. Status: Now Hating Candy. Let me tell you of the week I grew up. No, not physically but mentally and emotionally. The physical age does not matter; what matters is that the week before I loved candy. Elegy for Myself. Ode to the girl that died insideOf meMy best friend tells me to conjureUp her dead soul and shake handsWith herBut it would be like misery isshaking hands with sunshine and flowersHow oddOdd,.

    The pain he leaves you with is not your identity. I'm Just Kidding. Dear Friendship,. Dear Friendship, Why do you make me so happy? Why do you make me so confused? Why do you make me feel lost? Why so happy? Why so sad? Why so angry? Dear Love,. One Day One day One day you wake up; You open your eyes. Everything blurs; Everything turns black and white. Ash surrounds your senses; All you feel is numb, Numb pain,. It was always happy endings, But this one seemed so different Knowing that you wouldn't be here anymore I never thought I could stomach the pain Hurting days and nights.

    My mother taught me valuable things. She taught me to treat everyone as equals whether they clean the toilets or sit in a shiny new office on the top floor. You Are Gone. Leaving Her. Grace be that flower and how she glistens. Your eyes sift along and you don't see truth, It's not about the grace but who listens.

    She will need you to see through to the youth;. The Education of Pain. It always hurts me. But pursuing love is like trudging my heart through a lee. I can't help desires. They will come from deep inside, With no way to hide. I don't wish to disgrace them, But only to keep them calm. Rudy Valle. My Old Life.

    I just want my old life back, I had everything I wanted A job that I adored, A hobby that brought immeasurable joy, And a love that seemed unshakeable. I live with a creature Deep inside my chest. This beast urges me to die,. Almost Pass For Normal. Painful Division. When did my feelings become second to yours? Why are my opinions wrong and absurd? When did my silence become your turn to speak?

    Why, to you, am I small and weak? Why, when I give the world, do you a. This is an ode to the boys who have hurt me. I will not talk about the ones who came before the ninth grade,. Secret place.

    The Panopticon: December

    Hands held, hearts cradled. Eyes shut, fear of loss and pain. It all came to head that day. Back to the beginning,. Leaving the Shadow. Now she's the girl he told everyone about, bragging, changing, manipulating the reality of what really happened. She got stripped of her clothes, stripped of her trust, stripped of her youth.

    Finally, I'm free from you free from the pain you give free from the anger you clinged to me free from the hate of what you've done to me free from the fear you've bestowed me. Forgiving Myself. Every day flying by numbly, Until the day I decided the numbness coincided with failing to forgive myself I went under it, over it, around it, but never through it because that is where.

    House of a Monster. That person is you. That's what it means To concede to the fear, To feed the bearer, To bleed from the wounds, bestowed on you from the pain you've taken even the words you've spoken to make it all better. I am a victim. I am a victim of my own mind. I hold myself captive. I am also my own abuser. For years I have abused myself into being the victim of my own mind. I Am A Warrior. You can't hear me You can't see me You can't feel me You have given birth to me But you ignore me I am alive!

    Not your dearly departed And yet still to you I am a failure, forever imperfect. My Curse. They say god created us from clay. Still Lost. Silver Sight. Why am I the only one? Why don't they give up? Painful Christmas. This holiday is hollow, These cheery ones are lost. Everyone is happy, It seems Everyone But me. I always feel alone,. Pain and Life Diamante. Pain Infinite, unbearable, Pulsing, living, screaming, Yelling my name, begging to stay, Fighting, questioning, hating, Confusing, lost,. Dark and Light. Both had their qualities, I loved them for different reasons. The dark one was like me,.

    The Turtle.